Reno drabbles
by demonoftheblackflames
Summary: YAAY! FINALLY! CHAPTER 11! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! This chapter is probably PG 13. Reno has a random encounter..and an itching for some food.
1. donuts

DBF: Hi all! This I wrote a while ago back in school in English class when I was bored. I thought I'd dig it up now and post it up…This may become a series of Reno drabbles if it gets enough reviews…

RENO ON DONUTS AND SEX

Most people usually don't associate sex with donuts…Well guess what! There are lots of sexual things about a donut! Like how about when you break one in half? That little curve is bound to mean something! And how about the jelly filled kind? I mean when you bite into it it ejaculates! Try telling me I'm wrong! What's that? You can't? HA! Of course you can't! Why? Because I'm right that's why! And how about those donuts that have sprinkles? I mean think about it! The sprinkles look like mini rainbow colored condoms! But then again Tifa thought that they looked like dildos. Then Cloud choked on a donut…and wouldn't you know it had sprinkles! Coincidence! I think not! And then how about that one time when Rufus stuck his finger through the hole! I mean come on people! If that's not sexual then I don't know what is! Well I could talk about this for hours but I have to go hijack a police car! So see ya next time!

DBF: Well I hope you all enjoyed it…please review and let me know what you thought…I need ideas of what Reno could rant about next…post them in your reviews! Thanks a lot!


	2. eyes

DBF: Okay! Back with another chapter! Hope y'all like it! Thanks for reviewing guys! I really appreciate it!

Antoha: That was one of the funniest things i have read in a long time! My friends all thought i was nuts and asked what the coincidence was with Cloud choking on a donut.

Keep up the good work:D

FuN SiZeD: Ha, I love this drabble. The donut thing is really true, though. I never really thought about it... Reno could rant on about eyeball sizes. I always wondered like why they never grow. You're born with them full sized, aren't they? I have no clue.

This chapter is for you!

Oh yeah…I don't own anything!

Reno: Thank God

DBF: …Glare…But I can still do stuff to you in fanfiction! So be careful what you say!

Reno: Eep!

RENO ON EYES 

Okay Okay I was talking to Cloud one day and he said to me "Reno do eyeballs grow?" I gave him the strangest look before speaking again. Here's my answer. When you're a baby you have big eyes. Parents crowd around you saying "Awwww look at this cute wittle baby and his big green eyes!" At least that's what my mom did to me. My aunts were pinching my cheeks really hard…and no…I'm not talking about my face…I bit them…my mom got mad at me and grounded me…no Barney for a month. Ah well…I stayed up all night crying…but you know what I found something better on T.V! But anyway that's another story…Getting off subject…Eyeball sizes…Yes well…Let's see…do eyeballs grow…Looks at baby pictures…Looks in a mirror…Looks at baby pictures again Why the hell do I have a bow in my hair!…MOM!

"Yes dear"

"Why the hell do I have a freakin' bow in my hair…How old was I!"

"Hmm…In that picture you were about four…and as to why you have the bow in your hair…you don't wanna know"

Anyway…I dunno…Maybe eyes are like frogs…they start as little tadpols and then they grow big and green…like mine…or maybe they're like a bottle cap…they just simply don't grow…As for contacts…One day I was sleeping and was woken up by Rufus who scared living crap outta me…at first I didn't know it was him cause one it was dark and two he had on cat glow in the dark contacts with vampire fangs on…I didn't know it was him until he spoke "I have come to suck you're blood" My response? "Get out of here you faggot I'm trying to sleep!"

One day I went up to Tifa and she totally freaked out. "R-Reno! Y-You're eyes! Th-They're b-bleeding!" Ha! It was great! See what I did was I had in red contacts then I used red face paint to paint on red tears to make it seem like my eyes were bleeding. I went to her when the paint was fresh…not dry. This was about a couple weeks ago. She still won't look me straight in the eyes.

How about different eye colors? Why do we all have different eye colors?

"Because if we all had the same eye color it would be boring"

"Shut up Yuffie no one asked you!"

"But I'm just saying"

"Look no one needs an opinion from a hyperactive sloppy ninja!"

"I am not sloppy!"

"Go away"

"Grrrr…."

"Ow! What the? NO ONE touches the hair! And I mean NO ONE!"

"Yay! I got some hair!"

"Heh…I gotta go now and kill Yuffie hope you enjoyed this drabble and I'll cya next time"

DBF: Well hope you enjoyed it!

Yuffie: Ow! Ow! My arm doesn't bend that way!

Reno: Haha! I got you now!

DBF: …Sweatdrop…Anyway…Please review and tell me what you thought…suggestions are very welcome too…people or objects…I don't care…;;


	3. sexual harassment

DBF: HAHA! BACK WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER! Hope Ya'll like it! RENO ON SEXUAL HARASSMENT AT SHINRA 

Hey everyone back again! This time we're talking about sexual harrassment! I am cruisin' the Shinra offices looking for prime example. Well anyway…In the mean time…Lets go see what Elena is up to.

"Hey Elena…Whatcha doin?"

"Paperwork…What do you want Reno?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Ugh…Save it…I'm not interested…"

"Who said that's what I was talking about!"

"Reno…I know you…Now stop harassing me!"

"Funny you should say that"

"OUT!"

"Fine…Fine…"

Geez…Elena can really ruin the fun…I know! Let's check up on Rufus! See what that sexy vice president is up to! Ya know one time I hid behind a plant in Rufus's office and I flung condoms at him and the people he was talking to! It was great! Accept that one time his dad found condoms all over the place. Yeah…He kinda got in trouble cause of that…but hey…I don't regret it…Just as long as he doesn't find out that it was me.

"Excuse me"

"Huh? What?"

"Would you by chance be Reno?"

"Cloud quite playing stupid! You know who I am!"

"Just answer my question!"

"Yes! Yes! That is my fucking name!"

"Then you have a strip-o-gram!"

"WHAT! FROM WHO!"

"They paid me twenty extra bucks not to say"

"Tell me who the fuck sent it or I'll pull out your fucking lungs!"

"Eep! Eep! Okay! Okay! It was Rude! Rude sent it!"

"…Rude…Okay…Just no…Cloud stop stripping!"

"But…I was paid too!"

"Here…I'll pay you one hundred dollars to give Rude a strip-o-gram and tell him it's from Cid…"

"Okay!"

"Finally"

God that Cloud can really get under my skin…But honestly why did Rude have to go and do that…I mean that was…Just…no…I mean…I like him…as a friend…not like that…but hey…there was a bright side…at least it wasn't him giving the strip-o-gram…I mean if I had to look at either Cloud or Rude's naked body…Well…I'd rather look at Rufus's…but if I had to pick…I'd have to say…Rufus…Heh…Yes! Finally…The president's office. Damn…Rufus is on the phone…Hey…I could have some fun…

"Yes…Yes…Yeah…I got it…You don't have to keep repeating…"

"You can't see it now…but I have a really devious smirk on my face…One…two…and…three!"

"AHHHH!"

And there goes Rufus jumping in the air a couple of feet before crashing back down!

"RENO GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY CROTCH!"

"Rufus are you having sex with that hoodlum again?"

"No daddy…He's sexually harassing me again"

Oh lord…there's that innocent little kids voice.

"WHAT!"

"AHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CHILD MOLESTER!"

"I AM NOT A CHILD MOLESTER!"

"Let me talk to Reno for a minute"

"Sure…Here Reno the President wants to talk to you…"

"Sure…Hi…Yeah…Well ya know what you can do…you can just FUCK OFF!"

"Reno! What did you just do! You hung up on my father!"

"Does it look like I fuckin' care"

"Mmmm…Not really but…then again when have you ever cared about anything?"

"Exactly"

"So wanna do it?"

"I thought you'd never ask"

"Got any condoms?"

"Oh come on we don't need any"

"I suppose…But do you have any?"

"No…I actually ran out last week Thursday"

"Hm…What a coincidence…that was the same day that I got in trouble for having condoms all over my office floor…"

"What…Are you blaming little ol' me?"

"No…I'm not blaming you…I know it was you!"

"Oh yeah…What are ya gonna do about it?"

"Oh I'll show you…"

Sure enough…he did…and it was very pleasurable…(wink)

DBF: And that wraps up this chapter! Please tell me what you thought in your reviews!

(Nudges Vincent)

Vincent: Do I have too?

DBF: Yes…

Vincent: Fine…RyuKaze…This is to you…from me…

Cloud: (Jumps out and starts stripping)

DBF: You too…

Vincent: …Um…No…

DBF: Yes…

Vincent: …No…

DBF: Oh Yuffie…

Vincent: Okay! Okay! (Starts stripping)

DBF: Well there ya go…;;


	4. driving

DBF: Next chapter is up! Yay! Well hope you enjoy!

DRIVING 

Hello! Today is a special day! You know why? I'm taking my driver's test today! I am totally ready! I studied and everything!

"Mr…Reno…"

Finally after about two hours of waiting…

"Yes?"

"Do you have a last name?"

"Yes in fact I do…"

"What is it?"

"I don't give a crap"

"Wise ass huh."

Yes I am a wise ass and I'm proud of it.

"So…You're point is?"

"Whatever…follow me…"

I'd gladly follow her. She was foxy looking. Wavy red hair down to her mid back. Had curves in all the right places and not a bad set of hooters either.

"Okay…We're here…you're instructor is inside the car…"

"What! You mean you're not my instructor?"

"No"

"Awww…Too bad…Hey…After I get my license how about I take you out for a bite to eat?"

She's laughing a little bit. I don't know what to make of it.

"I'll think about it…"

Damn…She left…Anyway I'll get this over with…

"Hi…I'm here to take the driving test"

"Of course you are! Everyone is! Now get in so we can get this over with"

Great…A grouchy instructor…just what I need…Oh well…I know I can pull this off. Now lets see seat belt, check the rear view mirror, all that jazz. Okay now…starting the car…and off we go!

"Good…good so far…"

Said the grouchy serpent.

I reach for the radio dial to turn it on.

"No! No! No!"

The instructor slapped my hand.

"Ow! What the fuck old lady!"

"Don't call me an old lady! I'm only 56!"

"That's old!"

"Shut up and drive!"

So I just ignored her and continued driving.

A little later…

I pulled out a can of beer and opened it. The aroma went through the air. Oh did I love that smell…

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!"

"I'm just having a drink…geez…relax…"

"Relax? Relax? No drinking and driving!"

Damn…she took the beer away…Oh well…I have another one…She tried to take it away…but I chugged it before she could…Ahh…One of the most satisfying tastes in the world! The instructors eyes got wide.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Relax…"

"Y….You chug down a beer then tell me to RELAX! I THINK NOT!"

Mmmm….another beer….

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Just having another beer…chill…"

"Chill…Chill? CHILL!"

"Yeah…Chill…"

Five beers later…

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! NO! NO! NO! WATCH OUT FOR THAT DEER! AHHHH!"

"Oh come on…lighten up a little bit…"

"LIGHTEN UP! HA! I DON'T THINK SO! YOU FAIL!"

Later…

Yup…So here I am…without a license and without a date…Instead I have to take a stupid class…I don't get it…What's the big deal with drinking and driving…I thought I was doing perfectly okay…

DBF: Well that's that…sorry if it was a little weird…I wanted to get this posted before I left for New York for 9 days. Hope ya'll like it…The next chapter will be when Reno takes the driving class…;; Well…please review…


	5. driving class

DBF: Sorry for the long wait! But Reno's back with another adventure! (sweatdrop) Enjoy!

Reno-Driving Class "Welcome to Drivers Ed. 101" "Great…I brought the beer!" "Ah yes…You must be Reno…" "What of it?" "They warned me about you" "Who? You mean those crackheads you call driving instructors?" "You sir are the crackhead! Now please take your seat" I didn't wanna sit…But I did because I knew that if I didn't there wouldn't be an opportunity to raise hell later. Later…. I popped open a beer and took a few sips. "Reno can you tell me what I just said?" "That you were gonna drop dead" "Argh! Get your feet off of that desk and turn it around!" "No" 

"That's it! I want a 2 thousand word essay from you on stop lights and why they're helpful!"

"Tch…Do it yourself…"

"You should be more considerate"

"Clam it Tifa!"

"Why should I clam it? I have just as much right to open up my mouth as the next man does!"

"Why are you in this class?"

"I ran a stoplight"

"One stoplight?"

"Okay okay…A few…and what are you in for?"

"None of your business"

"Oh come on!"

"Yeah tell us!"

"Isn't it obvious!"

"Shut up teach!"

"Hey! I'm not the one that was driving drunk and then blew up the car with the instructor still in it!"

"Hey! She had it coming!"

"And why in pretel was that!"

"She was annoying the shit outta me…and she wasn't quite the looker either…"

"Well you're lucky she's still alive! Now can you tell me the reason we should always stop at stop signs?"

"Bite me!"

"Ick"

"I will!"

"Aeris shut up!"

"Make me Tifa!"

"Cat fight!"

"Shut up random guy!"

Yes…Tifa and Aeris did get in a fight over yours truly…why…I don't know…Tifa is well…very obnoxious…and Aeris is dating Cloud…who thankfully isn't in this class…although I could take him no sweat! Cloud's a pussy compared to me…Don't let that big sword fool you! My electro-mag rod is much more powerful…and deadly…I mean sure Cloud can chop off a guys nuts with that big sword but I can electrocute them and make them writhe in pain until they can't move anymore! Yes! I am evil! I am indeed the devil in disguise…Anyway…back to the class…

"Now why is drinking and driving bad?"

"It's not bad! It's perfectly fine!"

"And why do you say that Reno?"

"Well if it's illegal to drink and drive then it should be illegal to have a soda while driving or a lemonade or even coffee! And if that stuff is okay to drink while driving then why should beer be any different?"

"Because it's bad for you"

"Shut up kid before I give you another swirly!"

"Reno! I will not have you talk like that to your classmates!"

"Bite me…Ow! Aeris!"

"Hehe"

"Reno put down your weapon! You're not even supposed to have that in school!"

"I make my own rules!"

"Well if that's the way you play it then you just may find yourself riding a bicycle all your life…or being a pedestrian"

"There is no way I'll ride a bicycle! And what the hell is a pedes-whatchamacallit!"

"Pedestrian…It's when you walk"

"Oh…Ha! I knew that! I was just testing you!"

"Sure…Sure…"

"Anyone have any questions? Yes Aeris?"

"Reno can I have your children!"

"HELL NO!"

Of course then she started to cry and people were throwing text books at me. What the hell was I supposed to say? Yes? I don't love her…then again have I really ever loved those other girls that I had sex with the past few weeks? What the…My cells ringing

"Hello…You're…."

"Holy crap! Reno's dead!"

"Nah Aeris I think he just fainted"

"Hello? Who is this? Oh Yeah! Why are you calling my boyfriend! Yes that's right my boyfriend! You're pregnant! With his child! But that can't be! I'm supposed to be the one to have his children! Go find someone else you slut!"

"Aeris…You just broke Reno's phone"

"So?"

Later…

"Where am I?"

"Yes! He has amnesia! I can convince him that we're meant to be together!"

"Keep dreaming bonehead…I still know who I am…I just had a moment…Now go make me some cookies"

"Yes sir!"

"Aeris get your butt back here!"

"Yes! Finally got rid of her!"

"That was low Reno…Very low…"

"Well class is over so get the hell outta my classroom!"

"Gladly!"

"Although Reno…You know that you'll see Aeris next week…"

"Not if I can help it!"

"Oh?"

"I'm not going next week"

"But you have to…They won't let you take the test…"

"I have my ways…now get out of my face…"

DBF: Hey all! Hope ya liked this installment! I made sure it was extra funny to make up for the long wait! Well please review and let me know what ya thought!


	6. shopping

DBF: Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm kinda in a writers block right now. So I've decided to post up a little skit I wrote a while back so I'd have some kind of update and my fans would have something to read. I hope you like it. I had soooo much fun writing it! I'll let Reno introduce the mini story since it is about him. Oh and by the way I don't own anything!

Reno: Um….Hi….Yeah….This is about a time when Rufus and I went shopping….I'm still trying to forget about it….

DBF: Awww why?! It was a sweet time!

Reno: Tch….Yeah for Rufus maybe….

DBF: Anyway heres the story….

Reno and Rufus were at the grocery store.

"I want this and this and this and this and this—"

"Will you shut up!"

Chibi Rufus looked up at Reno with a cute face complete with the quivering lip. Reno rolled his eyes.

"Whatever"

"Yay!" Rufus jumped up and down in the cart.

"Hey! Hey! Watch out! You're gonna squish the eggs!"

"What?! You care more about stupid eggs than you do about me?!"

"No I—"

BAM! Reno was hit in the face with an egg.

"Ha! Take that then!"

"Rufus!"

Rufus stuck his tongue out at Reno.

"Nah nah!"

"No more bottom for you!" Reno said in a joking manner. Rufus stared at him.

"What are you implying?" Rufus said dragging his syllables and giving Reno a suspicious look. Reno put a thoughtful finger to his mouth.

"On second thought….it's kinda cute…."

"Yay!"

They walked to another isle.

"Ooh! Whipped cream!" Rufus said as he leaned towards it and grabbed a few cans. Reno looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"And what in pretel are you going to do with that?"

Rufus gave Reno a mischievious grin.

"Well…." Reno started. Rufus hit Reno with another egg.

"Ahh….fine….fine….whatever…."

"Yay!" Rufus said with a satisfied look on his face. Reno grabbed a few more things then they went to the deli.

"Yes? How can I help you?" the lady asked.

"Yes I would like—"

"I want that and that and that and that and that and that!" Rufus said pointing to every possible thing behind the glass case. The lady laughed and made up a little tray and handed it to Rufus.

"Ooh! Yay!" Rufus said accepting the tray. Rufus set the tray aside and climbed behind the glass.

"RUFUS NO!"

Rufus stuck his tongue out again. He found a hairnet and put it on. He looked up at Reno.

"Don't I look all prettiful?!"

"Yeah….yeah….whatever….just get back over here!"

"Aww" Rufus whined.

"Get back here or no more bottom!"

Rufus scurried back. A few moments later the lady had the order.

"Will that be all sir?"

"Yes thank you"

"Thanks lady!" Rufus said waving.

"You're welcome!"

Reno walked towards the check out lane. When he got there Rufus started piling the things in line for the check out. When it was their turn the lady gave Reno a strange look.

"Is that egg on your face?"

"Two….Charge me for two…." Reno said holding up two fingers.

"Hey Reno!" Rufus said with excitement.

"Huh?" Reno looked at Rufus. Suddenly another egg came hurdling towards his face. It hit its target. Reno held up three fingers.

"Three….Charge me for three…."

The lady rolled her eyes. She rung up the items.

"And the tray of meats?" she asked. Rufus hugged the tray protectively.

"Mine!"

"I know that but—"

"Mine!"

"Fine….20 dollars…."

"TWENTY DOLLARS!?!?" Reno raised his voice.

"Well these are quality meats sir…."

"BUT TWENTY DOLLARS!?!?"

"Fine….Ten…."

"TEN?!"

"Five…."

Reno sighed. "Fine" He looked up at the price.

"ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!?!?" He glared at Rufus. Rufus stared at him sweetly. Reno sighed again.

"Fine…." So he paid. The bagger put everything in the cart.

"Bye! Good luck with your son!" The cashier said. Reno glared at her.

"He's not my son!"

"Brother?"

"Nope"

"Relative?"

"Uh uh"

"What? It's not like he's your lover or something.

Reno stared at her. She got wide-eyed.

"Oh my God….PEDO—"

Reno slapped a hand over her mouth. Rufus went out of chibi mode for a moment. Reno let go.

"Hey back off lady! He's mine!" Reno said protectively With that Rufus turned back into a chibi and they headed off.

Later….

"Rufus….You squashed the eggs…."

"Darn! And I was saving them for your face!"

"Ha ha…." Reno said flatly.

DBF: And that's it! What did ya think?!

Reno: I think it stunk!

DBF: Oh come on! You know you enjoyed it!

Reno: I do not enjoy getting hit by eggs….

DBF: Aww….well blame Rufus cause he's the one that did it to you!

Reno: Grrrr….

Rufus: Reno!

Reno: Oh no! I'm not falling for that again!

Rufus: Fine then….I won't give you this months issue of playboy that arrived in the mail!

Reno: (wide eyed) What?! (turns around)

WHAM!

Reno: I should have known….GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE!!!! (chases Rufus)

DBF: Well that's all she wrote for this one! Review!


	7. what are they doing?

DBF: I'm still on a writers block for my next idea. I mean I have my next idea in my head but I just don't know how to go about it. So I'm putting up another one of my skits. It's short. But I hope you all like it. I don't own anything.

Hey Reno here. DBF is an airhead and doesn't know what to write so I'm here to tell you about another one of my crazy adventures with the knuckleheads I work with. Hope you enjoy it.

Cloud walked into the healing lodge expecting me to attack him.

"Yaaa!" Cloud screamed pulling out his sword. "Huh?" He stopped with his sword in mid swing just to find Rufus, Rude, and myself on the middle of the floor.

"Hey! Get offa me!" I yelled.

"Sorry but it's kinda hard when that huge thing is distracting me!" Rude exclaimed.

"What huge thing?" I asked kinda confused.

"Rufus's huge thing!" Rude pointed out.

"Haha! Take that suckers!" Rufus laughed.

"NOOOO!!!!" Reno and Rude screamed.

"CAN YOU GUYS STOP PLAYING N INTENDO FOR ONE LOUSY MINUTE SO WE CAN SHOOT THE SCENE!?!?"

So yeah that one was for all you perverts out there. Well catch ya next time!

DBF: Well hope you all enjoyed it! Please review!


	8. dancing

1DBF: Hey everyone! I'm back! I had writers block with what to write next...but I got inspired by JAC production's video Final Dance Fantasy! Go watch it on youtube! IT'S A MUST SEE FOR ALL FINAL FANTASY VII FANS!!!! Anywho hope ya'll enjoy this chapter! Btw I don't own ANTHING!

Hey everyone, Reno here. You wanna know a secret! Can ya keep one? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!

"Who cares! Tell us already?!"

What was that? looks behind a street lamp "Yuffie?!"

"Tell me!!"

"...Well...I dunno...You're a bit of a blabber mouth.

"Oh fine I'll leave" leaves

Okay looks around Now that's out of the way. Shinra is throwing this elaborate ball and starts to laugh Cloud can't dance. Now why is that funny you ask? Cause of who's teaching him! Let's go take a look shall we? Goes into the Shinra building

"Hehe...I knew it! Haha...Now to follow Reno!"

Okay...Ready?

"Yes...eep!"

Did you guys hear something? No? shrugs opens the door

"Okay now Cloud, I want you to place your hands here and here"

"Why do I have to be the girl?!"

"Hey boss"

"Huh? Oh hey Reno. Okay Rude start the music."

"Hahahahahaha! This is SO hillarious!"

"Reno what may I ask is your problem?"

"I'm sorry boss but you're not exactly a ballroom dancer yourself"

"Okay fine! Then why don't you teach Cloud!"

"Fine! I think I will!"

"Oh no"

"Rude shut up! I can dance better than Mr. Dances like a girl over there! Now Cloud, from now on you will call me Dance Master Buddha!"

Out of nowhere my theme started to play. Now what is my theme you ask?

"Whoo! Jump on it! I love this song!"

"WTF?! YUFFIE?!"

"Hey Reno! Hahaha! Guess what?! Cloud can't dance!"

"Grrrrr!!!!"

"Now now Cloud...Just do what I do!"

"Sure sure...Whatever..."

"What is that? I didn't hear you!"

"Yes Dance Master Buddha"

"That's better! Now do this" Does some insane dance moves

At this point everyone is just staring in awe at how awesome I am!

"Reno...That was horrible!"

"Better than you cueball!"

"Oh yeah!?"

"Yeah!"

"Bring it then!"

"I think I will!"

Reno and Rude have a dance off You decide what they dance like

Now clearly I danced better than baldy over there! I mean his momma could dance better than he does.

"Oh no you didn't!"

And yes...When Rude said that he did the movements and everything.

"Oh what if I did?!"

At that point Rude threw a handful of feathers at me.

"Pfft! Where the HELL did you get the feathers?!"

Rude was just as confused as I was.

"I don't know...they just kind of appeared in my hands"

"Ooookay then"

"And then peanut butter and m&ms started falling from the sky!"

"Shut it Cloud!"

"But Reno!"

"I said shut it!"

"But isn't this supposed to be MY dance lesson?!"

"It is...Just watch us and do what we do"

Cloud dances horribly that the windows break

"How can windows break from dancing?"

"Got me Rude"

"Ooh! Let me try dancing!"

"Oh please Yuffie"

Yuffie dances really good

All the guys are in awe

Cloud's back cracks as he tries some backflips

"AHH! MY BACK! IT BROKE!" Starts running around like a maniac

"Um...Cloud...I don't think that you'd be able to run like that if you broke your back."

"Huh? Oh yeah...good point Rufus"

Boss's cell phone rang.

"Yes father, Of course I'm working! Yes yes! Okay okay! Yes I'll be there! Right right...Okay bye!"

"Okay everyone out! I gotta get some paperwork done!"

"Aww but boss!"

"No buts Reno! I'll see you at the ball"

"Oh all right"

Everyone leaves

Haha! It's now the time of the ball I was telling you about! Uh oh Cloud's gonna dance.

"Okay everyone! Make room!"

Oh no Closes eyes But suddenly there was all this cheering going on Uncovers eyes and makes way through crowd Cloud's...breakdancing? Where'd Cloud learn to break dance like that? Then Cid started breakdancing. O.O are you serious? Shrug Grabs Rude, Tseng, Elena, and Rufus and pulls them on stage Grabs some mics READY?! JUMP ON IT ON THREE! ONE! TWO! THREE!"

Turks sing jump on it

Now that was a night to remember.

DBF: Sorry if this chapter wasn't all that good. I tried to make it as funny as possible. I just really wanted to write something for today since it's been a while since I wrote and posted for this story. Well please review! It's a girls best friend! Well besides anime...and manga...and bishies...and...well you get the idea! XD


	9. ridiculous jobs

DBF: Hey! And Welcome to the next chapter of...dadadada...RENO DRABBLES!!!!

Reno: Do I have to?

DBF: YES!

Reno: But I don't wanna...

DBF: I'll give you two cases of beer if you do so!

Reno: ...and...

DBF: sighs and Sephiroth's head on a silver platter...

Reno: DONE!!!!

DBF: Okay! Now! I leave you in Reno's somewhat capable hands while I go off to hunt for Sephiroth! Bai Bai!

Reno: Oh and DBF doesn't own ANYTHING...THANK GOD!!!!

DBF: (Throws a random trash can lid at Reno's head)

Reno: OW!!!!

DBF: Tha'tll teach you to mess with me!

Reno: Okay well anyway, On with the drabble...

RIDICULOUS ASSIGNMENTS!!!!

Hey everyone! I have something to complain about! The assignments that Rufus gives me! Sometimes they're reasonable...But other times they're RIDICULOUS!!!! One time Rufus assigned me to pick up his freaking grandmother from the airport and drive her around all day! The damn lady kept whacking me with her purse telling me to drop my beers, take the cigarettes out of my mouth, tuck my shirt in, and all this other random shit! I just couldn't take it! So I dumped her off at a retirement home and left her there. When Rufus found out he was so steamed that he banned me from being a turk for an entire month and sentenced me to being a janitor and clean up the whole damn building!

Okay, Next ridiculous assingment! Training Dark Nation! He's a freaking cat for crying out loud! You don't train cats! It's just not...doable! I mean you try to train a cat and they scratch up your damn face! At one point I thought that Dark Nation was warmning up to me when he was actually peeing on me! That damn cat! One day Rufus came over to my place and asked me how Dark Nation was doing. I told him he's out back. So Rufus went out back. He screamed when he found that Dark Nation was resting on a barbeque. "Relax" I told him "It's not on" Rufus glared at me. "One more screw up like this and you're fired!" He said taking Dark Nation and going home.

Ridiculous assignment number three, Buying Cloud a new phone! While shooting Advent Children, Cloud's cell phone dies in the water, remember? And after that Cloud was so upset that we had to stop shooting until he got a new phone. So Rufus ordered me to buy one for him. And he didn't even give me any extra money! So I had to use my own! Stupid, cheap boss! That phone cost me nearly $200 cause it was custom. Well there goes my pizza and beer expenses for the next few months. When I got back with the phone everyone was so relieved cause only then did Cloud stop singing emo songs. "MY PHONE!!!!" He said snatching it out of my hand. "I THINK I'LL NAME YOU SHAKALAKADINGDONG JR.!!!!"

There are more...but I don't feel like explaining them now...It's time for a drink and smoke break! See ya!

DBF: (Out of breath) ...Well...Here...It...Is...(Holds a plate)

Reno: Hey! This isn't Sephiroth's head! This is his head made out of different kinds of fruits!

DBF: Well gotta run! (Runs)

Reno: (Runs after DBF) GET BACK HERE!

DBF: (Drops beer) 

Reno: Ooh! Beer! (Stops)

DBF: (Stops) (Panting) ...Please...Review...(Faints)


	10. picking up girls

DBF: Hey and welcome back to Reno Drabbles!

Reno: Whoop de do..(twirls finger in the air)

DBF: (glares at him)

Reno: (glares back)

DBF: I do not own anything whatsoever!

Reno: Thank you Buddha!

DBF: (Stares at him strangely) Well anywho, Without further ado, ENJOY!!

Today's topic is one of my favorite subjects, picking up girls. I have a new idea I concocted in my head and I tried it

yesterday..Unfortunately it was a failure. You see..I laid out in the open street. My plan was to get a car to stop. Then a beautiful lady with big

hooters would come out and see if I was all right, and then I would say "I think I've fallen for you." Okay, so, I'm layin' out in the street and a car

whizzes right past me nearly chopping arm clean off.

"Hey! Watch it you ass! I'm trying to catch girls here!" I yelled after him. Then one of these big work trucks ran over me. "SHIT!" I yelled.

There weren't any cars coming after that. So I got up and checked to see that my limbs were still attatched to my body. They were. Man,

catching girls is a very dangerous process! Then a car swerved up to me and spalshed some left over rain water onto my face. I spit it out and

glared at the car. The person came out and walked towards me. I shut my eyes and acted hurt. I could sense it. I was getting so excited. My

errection was getting bigger and bigger by the moment. Suddenly she opened her mouth to speak.

"Are you okay?" came an elderly man's voice. "Huh?" I got up and stared at him.

"Y-YOU'RE NOT A DYNAMITE BABE WITH LUSH LIPS, KILLER CURVES AND A SEXY ASS!!!!" I screamed in horror. The old man, who was in fact Bugenhagen, stared at me.

"Nooooooo..." he dragged on. "But these are..." Bugenhagen said as he opened his car door. My mouth literally dropped to the floor in surprise.

"H-How d-did y-you?!?!" I stuttered.

"Just trell them you're tich and have a house in every country" he whispered. I just stared at him, shook my head, and walked away.

"Crazy old man" I mumbled. Before I knew it I was a hood ornament on someone else's car. "AHH! WHAT THE FUCK LADY!! COUDN'T YOU SEE I WAS CROSSING THE DAMN STREET?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" The car just sped up to about 80 miles per hour and I went flying off the car and smacked into a stop sign. "...Ow..."

So as you can see it's not easy picking up girls.

"Sure it is! You just have to use your head!" came Cloud's voice.

"Says the guy who shaves with spray cheese.." I shot back sarcastically.

"So?!"

I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

"You sleep with an inflatable doll!!" Cloud yelled after me. I stopped and turned around.

"No, That's Cid.." I said as I turned back. Cloud scratched his head and scrunched up his face in thought.

"...Oh yeah...Wait, then whose the one that wears women's lingere?" Cloud thought for a little bi. Then a lightbulb went off in his head.

"Oh wait..thats me! Wait..Then whose the guy that stuffs cheese balls in a bra and wears it?"

"CLOUD!!!!" I yelled chasing after him.

"Oh shit..."

"CLOUD!!!!"

Cloud ran for it.

"GET BACK HERE YOU MORON!!!!"

DBF: Well I hope you enjoyed that installment of Reno Drabbles!!!! I had so much fun writing it! I actually wrote it on the 4th of July when I was waiting for the fireworks to start. Just to let you all know I have nothing against Cid, Cloud, and Reno, I love them all! Well please review and tell me what ya thought!


	11. renos random encounter

DBF: Sorry for the loong wait! Sorry for the incredibly long wait. Inspiration comes at odd times for me lol

RENO DRABBLES

Why is the world so cruel? I'll tell you why..because theres not enough liquor in the world!

"What does that have to do with death,Reno?" Cloud asked me.

"Simple, Cloud, because if there was no liquor in the world I would die.."

"But that doesn't make sense.."

"What does make sense?"

"uhh.." Cloud sounded like a mindless drone.

"EXACTLY!!" I say with triumph.

Suddenly a familiar looking sword rammed it's way through Cloud's back and pierced his heart. I was dumbfounded for a moment.

"Hahah! That pathetic excuse for a body is now dead!!" Sephiroth triumphantly announced.

"What did he ever do to you?"

"He creamed my ass at DDR!!"

"Soo you killed him.."

"Yeah pretty much.."

"...BYE!!" I say as I was running for my life. My red hair was whipping around wildly and getting in my mouth. Luckily I shampooed and conditioned with strawberry scent so it didn't taste awful..I still would've perferred actual food..like sushi or mochi ice cream.

"REENO!!" Sephiroth yelled after me.

"NOO!! GET AWAY FROM ME YA BLOOD THRISTY A PE!!"

"I JUST WANNA KNOW IF YOU'LL PLAY DDR WITH ME!!" Sephiroth didn't sound too far away.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!?"

I didn't look back but I no longer heard footsteps behind me so I believe he stopped to think that over. That idiot. I quickly turned the corner and entered a super market.

Well I'll end my little adventure today with Sushi and Mochi ice cream. Until next time!

DBF: Well I hope you liked it!


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